Scotch (aka The Major)

I remember this guy quite vividly. Mostly because he had a tracheotomy and a thick weegie accent. It was a confusing combination.

He was bed stricken and youd have to push down on his trache to hear whatever he said. I have to admit i still now take a certain pride in the fact that i can understand what he said then. The old boy was OLD. Old as dirt. As old as Jaysis and he had some fascinating stories.

Admittedly none of them were even remotely happy.
Is anyone surprised?
Hes from Scotland.

Oh ive attempted to add some scottish bands to add to the atmosphere.
Perfect no?
Went through a huge faze where this was all id listen to.
Didnt do much research, just grabbed some favorites that i remembered.

Regardless, his stories varied greatly from living (and surviving) in Glasgow, which was at one point one of the most violent cities on earth (see: glasgow smile). But was by far the most interesting was his stories about the Second World War and the creation of Israel. He campaigned in both.

In Israel there were no maps of the middle east. Just after the war, the countries which had had vested interests in whichever country (example France had Lebanon, the UN had Palestine) began to draw borders (some of this accounts for contemporary political issues). As a result, they had to refer to the bible to understand where they were. This was no joke. One can believe it. Up until as recent as the 60s and 70s a significant amount of people in the middle east were nomadic tribes that had little contact with westerners. Why would westerners want to be in there anyways? What could the desert offer?

One can only imagine the added pressure of "shooting at things they didnt understand" (his words) to being at the edge of the world. This of course was after they had help release people from concentration camps. Dude was tough, his voice would tremble as he could barely describe the attrocities he saw. It would break your heart as you know the only other people this guy could have talked to about this were the people that were there with him. Even the boys at the legion had their own experiences and you didnt want to diminish others for what they had seen. No wonder he loved cheap scotch (i kid you not, he said as much, the expensive stuff wasnt worth it. Talk about stereotypes).

As rough as the old bugger seemed (which was always only momentary as he was so open and accepting of the things he saw in his lifetime), he sure as fuck hadnt lost his sense of humor. Outside of this guy being basically what i wanted to be when i turned old, he was funny as all fuck. We watched a ton of tv and his comments were none stop.

Ill be damned if i can remember what we were watching but it involved a family that had a pet raccoon. As the one child was petting and coddling the animal he looked at me and said "I bet he'd bite you before the day was over". Not long after this he called a rabbit from a blockbuster commercial a 'fucking cunt'. Not sure if it was because he was a shit gimmick (he was) or cuz he was a rabbit. Either way it was amazing and has led to me using the word 'cunt' casually.

Also he mentioned his wife is 300 pounds.

God he was a great man.


SeeqPod - Playable Search

Defo going to do more of this in the future.