Oh you girls (or padded cells arent for everyone)

Today was supposed to be a suicide watch (not in the sense that i was going to watch someone commit suicide but in the sense that i was going to prevent them from doing so. Spose thats obvious, isnt it?), but the patient cancelled.

Although i was initially slightly nervous because i didnt want the girl to take advantage of me being naive, i was still very interested to see who this girl was and how she was going to act. Although i didnt get to see her i did get a good look around at the psych ward.

Now i am aware that we have made significant steps from the former asylum days, there are still situations and scenes that are shocking as all fuck.

The first of which was a man who was locked in a room and had nothing but a mattress and a window with which the nurses could look in (or he could look out of). It was literally a padded cell.

To be honest its one of those things you always imagine or see in movies but its still a shocker to see. Shit seems so brutal and unreasonable. Cant we just treat that mans insanity with a hug?

Well, needless to say the padded cell was getting alot of use by one gentleman who spent the majority (or what seemed to be the majority) of his time smashing something into the wall. The nurse then came over and tried to get him to lie on the mattress. Needless to say she wasnt stupid enough to open the door and ask him but she wrote it down on a piece of paper and placed it in the window while knocking on the door, so that he could hear and understand. Ya gotta wonder if that technique actually works. Even if he does lie on the mattress how do you know that he wont try and make a break for it or start smashing you against the wall (which is padded but im certain it would hurt none the less). Talk about a life of danger.

I was then sent to the seventh floor which is the cardiac surgery ward. Like any floor that has patients in semi stable/unstable conditions the nurses are total dolls. They call every patient love and are gentle as all hell with them.

The man i had had particularly cold hands and i wonder whether its a blood circulation thing. Im supposed to get an oxygen level from him on a regular basis. This has been particularly hard. I mentioned this too the nurse who told me not to worry about it. Needless to say it became a little problem for me later as my patient had to pee and the nurse motioned for me to put it on his dick.

I wasnt sure if she was serious i do know however that im not touching up some old man so i left it to her. She then offered to put the catheter in. The other nurse was loving it and laughing her ass off. The first nurse (we will now refer to her as the dick master, youll see why soon enough) continued to tell me about they recently had a stagette party for one of their fellow nurses. They had got this gorgeous black stripper who riled all the girls up. Later on in the cab home the dick master asked the bride to be whether she had a dildo handy for when she got home. Her friend told her no as she had hoped to use the dick masters. Gotta love these girls.

Oh yeah, the dick master was inserting the catheter throughout the story. It looked like the most painful fucking thing ive ever seen and i dont have a penis. Everything had to be sterile to prevent a urinary tract infection. You can only imagine how fucking foul and painful one of those could be. Thankfully they are supposed to be rare. The tube is inserted into his bird was prob about 30 cm long and i twas slightly difficult to get in which means he had problems with his prostrate. Theres also a bottle next to the bed which has 500ml at least of blood draining into it. Dont worry this is from a tube in his chest which he doesnt seem to notice much. Which is a bit surprising as id sure as fuck notice if a tube carrying blood came from my chest.

All of the patients in this ward that are fresh from surgery have these red pillows they are supposed to hold to their chest when they cough, from what i understand its so that they dont rip their incisions. Gross. Apparently there is a correlation (although no formal documentation) between diabetes* and heart problems. All of the patients in the room seem to be approximately the same age, 65-70, none of them are overwhelmingly overweight and 1 out of 4 used to smoke.
Fun facts!

I guess the highlight of the shift was when i got paid 7.25 to file my nails for 45 mins.

Living.
The.
Dream.









*so many other amazing videos involving that clip that i had to share em, that was the one that gave the most lulz tho. Here, here and here.