Suicide Watch

Just realized that the one thing i promised along time ago and never posted was the shift i spent watching a gentleman on suicide watch. I was thinking about how I never wrote down the actual shift as I usually do and it didnt take long to realize that although this gentleman was in complete mental anguish, he was the most 'sensible' and lucid of all the patients I had had.

More often then not these patients would live a sort of fantasy existence only in the sense that no matter where they were in their own minds, here on planet earth they would be physically looked after. In the case of this gentleman, he had most everything a person could ask for, with exception to clinical depression and suicidal tendencies.

He was a doctor who looked to be in his mid to late 30s who had confessed that he had a wife and a small baby (who had been just born). The poor gentlemans situation was a travesty. Not to downplay the others but rarely did they recognize their own situations where as in the case of the doctor, he knew exactly what the problem was and as a result it would often perpetuate itself. He would feel bad for feeling bad. You dig?

He had worked in the Emergency room for the last few years and that had added to the strain. It was difficult to ask him questions only in the fact that I felt so fucking bad for him and didnt want to set off any incidents in which he would harm himself or dwell on something that I had said then injuring himself. Not that it was expected that he'd try and do himself in front of me but that you didnt want to leave any lingering thoughts (something which we have no power and no control over when it comes to interacting with people such as this).

He was quite open and honest, possibly even cheerful (with an overpowering sense of melancholy, hows that possible right? it is easy up narc). We talked about all manners, nothing at this moment strikes me in particular outside of his family and work life. Granted i didnt prod and asked the usual sorts of questions you would ask any stranger you were spending a large amount of time with.

When we were instructed about taking care of patients on suicide watch we are told to keep any objects that might harm them (like razors, scissors etc) from their reach, we may never let them leave our line of sight (ie if they go to the bathroom, its with the door open). Some of these guide lines were particularly difficult to abide by because he was so lucid and normal. I did for instance allow him to go to the bathroom with the door left only slightly ajar, however i couldnt help but notice the plastic shave razor by his sink and kept thinking about me having to frantically call security or whoever to come to his room because he had attempted to slit his wrists. That never happened thank god. He did try to jump from his window on the 4th or 5th floor tho several days later.