Ok ok, so im not writing from work, however this story is still work related. Ive gone to drop off our payslips as there is a rotation of 3 weeks (each person assigned to a different week).
I had a feed of some croissanwiches (youd better put some bbq sauce on that damn shit. Prob contributed later to my ulcer) and im waiting for the bus to come. This will take a substantial amount of time as it is Natal day (ive honestly never heard of this holiday and being a man of leisure, i am well versed in the most obscure holidays).
Anyways, this part of town in which our office is located is both out in the middle of nowhere and somewhat sketchy. On several occasions ive had the delightful experience of being exposed to a variety of drug abusers and other such lowlifes.
Todays particular situation involved some gas station attendents and a crazy homeless man.
Unfortunately i missed the initial exchanges between the two attendents and the hobo. But to my understanding he was rooting around in the gas stations garbage and possibly defecating nearby. Although he didnt actually say anything he had very sharp mannerisms that would suggest mental illness, intoxication or both.
There was a very intense staring contest between the first attendent, an older gentlemen who asked the guy "What are you doing?".
The second attendent appeared from around the corner. Both attendents stood with their arms crossed as the bums body swayed with the breeze.
The only problem was that it was completely still that day.
The second attendent pretended to be busy as the bum pretended to leave. It was amusing because neither of them actually was going to go anywhere. The bum continued to distance himself from the attendent, however every so often he would begin to close back in on the gas station.
I became a little nervous as the proximity between the bum and myself became increasingly smaller. I even wondered whether i should run for the cover of the fearless esso knights. I then realized that i was physically larger then both of them so i should stop being a pussy and suck it up. Thankfully by that point the bum had fucked off, looking like a balloon bobbing in the wind.
Please note i chose songs that have titles related to hobos.
Oddly enough they were all on diff Vice magazine sample cds too.
Subliminal message anyone?
SeeqPod - Playable Search
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
When 2 become 1
I had two patients at separate times tonight. The first was that old fella in his wheelchair, Speedy Gonzales (or Speedracer as i believe i had called him). He was certainly amiable and slept most of the time, if not all of the time. The few minutes he was up he spent smoking peter jacksons telling me how smoking was a wonderful hobby. I could do nothing but agree.
The nurses soon saw fit for me to tend to another patient who I had had on a previous shift. Unlike that previous shift this guy was up and running. Quite an amusing fellow actually. I often wonder if older people have selective hearing. Much like my great Uncle Roy, when I asked questions, he would disregard them. Please keep in mind it wasnt in an offensive manner, more in the sense that he never heard me pose the question in the first place. This, of course, proved to be amusing.
Example Number 1
Patient 2 (Crazy Ol Coote), pointing at the hallway: Who was that fella?
Me: I believe his name was Colin
COC: Wylie?
Me laughing: Nono, (spelling it out) C-O-L-I-N
COC: Wylie?
Me laughing harder: No, its still Colin
COC: Wylie?
Me: Yes, Wylie
COC: Well aint that something, I got a cousin named Wylie
Example Number 2
Me: So, do you like fishing?
COC: So ive got 300,000 Dollars and 3 girls that work for me
Needless to say I began to wonder if he was a pimp in his spare time
He did have a swagger.
Granted he lost half his leg in the war.
Example Number 3
COC: Are there any pants in there?
Me: Nope Just shirts
COC:Pass me some of those pants
Me: well, theres no pants but ill pass you some shirts
(i pass him some shirts)
COC: Well, ill be damned, these are all shirts
SeeqPod - Playable Search
The nurses soon saw fit for me to tend to another patient who I had had on a previous shift. Unlike that previous shift this guy was up and running. Quite an amusing fellow actually. I often wonder if older people have selective hearing. Much like my great Uncle Roy, when I asked questions, he would disregard them. Please keep in mind it wasnt in an offensive manner, more in the sense that he never heard me pose the question in the first place. This, of course, proved to be amusing.
Example Number 1
Patient 2 (Crazy Ol Coote), pointing at the hallway: Who was that fella?
Me: I believe his name was Colin
COC: Wylie?
Me laughing: Nono, (spelling it out) C-O-L-I-N
COC: Wylie?
Me laughing harder: No, its still Colin
COC: Wylie?
Me: Yes, Wylie
COC: Well aint that something, I got a cousin named Wylie
Example Number 2
Me: So, do you like fishing?
COC: So ive got 300,000 Dollars and 3 girls that work for me
Needless to say I began to wonder if he was a pimp in his spare time
He did have a swagger.
Granted he lost half his leg in the war.
Example Number 3
COC: Are there any pants in there?
Me: Nope Just shirts
COC:Pass me some of those pants
Me: well, theres no pants but ill pass you some shirts
(i pass him some shirts)
COC: Well, ill be damned, these are all shirts
SeeqPod - Playable Search
Monday, August 04, 2008
Original Introduction/Okie
Found the original introduction halfway through the note book.
Thats a good place for an introduction.
Figured it was worth throwing this up here regardless.
Introduction to Candystripers (Candystripers was the original title).
All these stories are voices of experience within the hospital. Although we are neither hardened physicians nor hardworking nurses, we do spend large quantities of time (each shift is 12 hours) with patients and their families. These are our stories. All names and initials have been changed to protect the individual patients and their families. In place we have given them humorous nicknames.
Meh.
Reads like the intro to Law and Order.
Feeling particularly generous so im gonna post a big 2 parter today.
Okie
This shift has been really too different from any other shift. The start of the shift was amusing enough having run into a fellow who was wearing a supertramp shirt (supertramp for the record, fucking rule, seriously) and had no clue how to navigate through the hospital. My fellow has a trumpet instead of a traech and it makes things difficult to understand. To make matters worse his handwriting is attrocious and sometimes incoherent.
One nurse came in with a flashlight and he went beserk, as if the nurse was an invader from that game nighttrap. His nurse is alright except she doesnt seem to like it when i start asking questions about medication (IE "Do most patients get ativan?" "Most doctors give it" "So i guess its a cure all, huh?") or about their jobs in general ("Do you guys do alot of paperwork? Hows that?")
They do seem to give out alot of ativan though, seriously. I wonder if half the patients become washed up clothing designers and go straight to Betty Ford.
What?!
Well after trying to yank out all of his tubes consecutively theyve dosed him up with some morphine and hes definitely more placid. I hope for his sake he can sleep soon. He seems to be enamoured with the flashing light on the smoke alarm. Its like hes hyptonized or a deer caught in headlights.
SeeqPod - Playable Search
Thats a good place for an introduction.
Figured it was worth throwing this up here regardless.
Introduction to Candystripers (Candystripers was the original title).
All these stories are voices of experience within the hospital. Although we are neither hardened physicians nor hardworking nurses, we do spend large quantities of time (each shift is 12 hours) with patients and their families. These are our stories. All names and initials have been changed to protect the individual patients and their families. In place we have given them humorous nicknames.
Meh.
Reads like the intro to Law and Order.
Feeling particularly generous so im gonna post a big 2 parter today.
Okie
This shift has been really too different from any other shift. The start of the shift was amusing enough having run into a fellow who was wearing a supertramp shirt (supertramp for the record, fucking rule, seriously) and had no clue how to navigate through the hospital. My fellow has a trumpet instead of a traech and it makes things difficult to understand. To make matters worse his handwriting is attrocious and sometimes incoherent.
One nurse came in with a flashlight and he went beserk, as if the nurse was an invader from that game nighttrap. His nurse is alright except she doesnt seem to like it when i start asking questions about medication (IE "Do most patients get ativan?" "Most doctors give it" "So i guess its a cure all, huh?") or about their jobs in general ("Do you guys do alot of paperwork? Hows that?")
They do seem to give out alot of ativan though, seriously. I wonder if half the patients become washed up clothing designers and go straight to Betty Ford.
What?!
Well after trying to yank out all of his tubes consecutively theyve dosed him up with some morphine and hes definitely more placid. I hope for his sake he can sleep soon. He seems to be enamoured with the flashing light on the smoke alarm. Its like hes hyptonized or a deer caught in headlights.
SeeqPod - Playable Search
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
